Being curious about anal sex is something completely natural – regardless of gender, orientation or experience. But it is also common to feel some uncertainty, fear or simply not knowing how to start. This guide is for those of you who are new to anal sex and want honest, safe and informative guidance on what it involves, how to prepare, and how it can be a positive experience for both body and soul.
For many, anal sex is somewhat charged – but with the right information, communication and technique, it can be both sensual, pleasurable and for some even orgasmic. The most important thing is that you go at your own pace, without stress or pressure, and listen to your body and your limits.
Table of contents
- Why is anal sex so sensitive to talk about?
- How does it really feel?
- Preparations – body, mind and environment
- The importance of communication and consent
- Lubricant – an absolute necessity
- Which position is best for beginners?
- Start slowly – fingers, plugs and breathing
- What do you do if it hurts?
- Hygiene – what do you need to consider?
- Anal sex and orgasms – what is possible?
- Final words – focus on safety and curiosity
Why is anal sex so sensitive to talk about?
Many people grow up with shame around their bodies and sexuality – and anal sex is often surrounded by more taboos than other sex. This may be due to tradition, religion or a general silence in society. But anal sex is a natural part of many people's sex lives , regardless of gender or identity, and there is no reason to feel guilty or ashamed about your curiosity.
Starting a new form of sexual stimulation is a vulnerable step – but also a very empowering one. It shows that you are listening to your body and are ready to get to know yourself in new ways.
How does it really feel?
The short answer is: different for everyone. For some it feels strange at first, for others incredibly comfortable. Many describe it as a deeper, more enveloping pleasure – while others feel the most pressure. It's important not to have too high expectations the first time. It's perfectly okay to feel overwhelmed.
With the right pace, relaxation, and lubricant, anal sex can feel pleasurable and in some cases produce very powerful orgasms – especially when stimulating the prostate or other sensitive nerve endings in the anal area.
Preparations – body, mind and environment
A good experience starts long before penetration itself. It's about being mentally ready , feeling confident in the situation, and preparing your body. Make sure you're relaxed, not stressed, and have time to take it at your own pace.
A shower or a trip to the bathroom beforehand can help you feel fresh, even though anal sex isn't as "dirty" as many people think. Feel free to create a calm environment – turn on the lights, music, heat – anything that makes you feel safe and in touch with yourself or your partner.
The importance of communication and consent
No sexual activity should be without consent – and this is especially true when it comes to anal sex. It is important that you can say both yes and no without feeling pressured. If you have a partner: talk beforehand. What feels okay? What do you want to try? What happens if something feels wrong?
Talking before you start creates security. And remember – even if you've started, you can always stop. Anal sex requires respect, sensitivity and a shared focus on well-being, not performance.
Lubricant – an absolute necessity
The anal area doesn't produce any natural lubrication, so lube is a must . Choose a lube specifically designed for anal sex – preferably a thicker water-based or silicone-based option. Apply liberally, both on the toy, finger or penis – and preferably also internally if possible.
Without lubricant, you risk pain, discomfort and microcracks. With lubricant, you get a soft and comfortable experience where your body gets a chance to relax.
Which position is best for beginners?
The most important thing is that you feel safe and in control. That's why positions where you can control the depth and pace yourself are best. Some examples:
✔️ On the side with legs bent – relaxed and close
✔️ On all fours – with control over the position
✔️ Horseback riding – if you want to control the movement yourself
Don't lie on your back the first time if you don't feel completely comfortable. It can be too revealing and harder to interrupt or communicate. Choose what feels best for you.
Start slowly – fingers, plugs and breathing
Start with slow and gentle foreplay . Fingers or small butt plugs are great for getting your body used to the sensation. Start with a thin finger with lubricant. Feel it. Breathe deeply. Let your body receive when it is ready.
Many people tense up involuntarily at first. Practicing deep, slow breathing during stimulation helps the body release resistance. No one should "push" anything into you. Let your body invite you when it feels ready.
What do you do if it hurts?
Pain is the body's way of saying "stop". If it hurts: stop immediately . There's no point in pushing through. It could be because you're tensing up, you're not aroused enough, it's going too fast or you need more lube.
Take a break. Talk. Or try again another time. It's better to take it in stages than to have a bad first experience. When you respect your body, you build a foundation for future pleasure.
Hygiene – what do you need to consider?
Fear of "accidents" is common - but it's very rarely a real problem if you've been to the toilet and prepared. A light shower, washing the anal area and possibly using a small anal douche can give you peace of mind.
Always use a condom or a butt plug with a stopper during anal sex, especially with sex toys. It makes cleaning easier and increases safety. And don't forget: wash your hands and toys both before and after use.
Anal sex and orgasms – what is possible?
For some, anal sex is not only pleasurable – it can also produce powerful orgasms . In men, the prostate can be stimulated and produce a different kind of orgasm than the usual ejaculation. In women, there are also nerve pathways in the anal area that can create deep pleasure.
But it requires that you are relaxed, excited and have built up a sense of security around the experience. Try not to have a goal – but see each experience as a step on the path to greater understanding of your body.
Final words
Trying anal sex as a beginner isn't about being "daring" or "sexual in a certain way." It's about being curious about your body, your pleasure, and your inner self . You decide when, how, and if you want to try it.
There is no right or wrong – just what feels right for you. With respect, lube, communication and patience, anal sex can become a sensual and enjoyable part of your sex life. But only if you feel ready. And when you are – then it is also perfectly okay to receive.